I'm terrified of university

This coming Sunday, I will be heading back to university for my third year and frankly I’m terrified.

Whatever high made me start this blog has disappeared and I’m back to struggling with day to day life. I don’t even have a lot to do during the holidays, but I can’t manage to complete my to-do list each day and it’s only going to get worse.

I’m terrified because I hold a pretty big role on the student paper and sit on the exec of another society, both of which become very busy in the run up to freshers week and already I’m struggling to cope. I’ve been given the most simple of tasks which I could have been working on throughout the whole of summer, but I’m still stood at the bottom of the pile, overwhelmed by the shit that continues to pile up before me.

That’s without the normal lectures, seminars, essays and the fact that I have a dissertation to write this year.

I’m terrified that I won’t be able to keep on top of things and that my grades will continue to drop, leaving me with a degree I’d rather not brag about. I’m terrified that being unable to cope will cost me my Masters place that I have been so excited about for months.

I’m terrified because I’m leaving all of my friends down south and don’t feel like I have anyone I can talk to while at university. I have no-one to grab a coffee with, no-one to go on a night out with, no-one to do all the typical university things with, let alone confide in about my declining mental health. Don’t get me wrong, I have people that I like at uni, people that I’ve missed and can’t wait to catch up with, but we will most likely catch up waiting for our lecture, or at an exec meeting rather than meeting up because we want to.

I’m terrified because I feel so incredibly alone at university and I’m not sure that I can survive another year as I want to.

It’s supposed to be a fresh start for me, to build my confidence up even more, but I’m less than hopeful.

That said, if anyone is facing the same situation, especially as a fresher, which is intimidating and terrifying in its own way, make sure you talk to someone. University is exciting and stressful bundled in one, and sometimes you need an ear to help you through.

People will tell you that university is the best time of your life, which ends up putting a lot of pressure on some to make it so. Unfortunately, like me, many people struggle at university to find the lifelong friends that they are promised. During freshers week, talk to everyone that you can, as scary as it is, push yourself to get out of your room and socialising. Having just one person to turn to while you’re going through your university life makes such a huge difference. If you really are struggling to find someone in your new city, make sure you keep in contact with some friends from home.

If you feel like you have no-one, make sure that you’re familiar with your student based services as they will offer professionals to talk to if you need and many universities offer a Nightline service, where you can talk anonymously to someone else at the university about anything that is on your mind. From workloads to feeling homesick, they will listen to you.

When the stresses of university get too much, or your mental health starts to decline, having someone to talk to and confide in is vital. Friends save lives. Don’t suffer through your problems alone.