Let's talk about self-harm

For just a second, can we stop putting people who self-harm in such a negative light? They are not “just doing it for the attention”, or because they think it’s cool. They’re most likely suffering with a mental illness. Being ill is never particularly cool.

 I understand why people may think those who walk around with marks on their body may be looking for attention – we’re told from such a young age to cover up imperfections. But if someone is doing so, they’re more than likely looking for help, if they aren't already fighting through the illness themselves and coming out of the other side. Instead of judging people, why don’t we talk to one another? Ask someone how they are, chat about life over a cup of coffee, don’t ostracise or bad-mouth people who may well be suffering through an insurmountable battle.

Okay, so you don’t understand it and it makes you uncomfortable. I have marks from self-harming and still get a slight shock when I see someone else’s (though that may be a realisation that I am not alone, which is important to remember if you self-harm). But the person you know is no different now that they have wounds or scars on their body.

If someone was being abused by another person, would you want them to hide the marks so that the rest of society didn't have to address the issue? So we don’t have to deal with the uncomfortable realisation that not everything in life is smooth sailing?

Of course you wouldn't. To ask someone who was a victim of abuse to hide their past is barbaric. Self-harm is no different. We need to help one another, make sure that the bully gets pushed far, far away, where they can’t hurt the victim any more. It’s much harder when that bully is inside the victim, rather than a physical, outside presence, but it’s still possible if we care about one another.

If you see someone who self-harms, don’t berate them in your mind, realise that they are still a person and would still be thrilled to hear you ask “how’s your day going?” and if someone approaches you for help, then point them in the right direction – a medical professional is the best way to go. We’re not attention seeking. We’re just struggling to cope, we've all had days where this is the case, so have some sympathy.

And if you self-harm, please think about whether you would do the same thing to someone else. Would you harm a child? A stranger in the street? No. So please try not to harm yourself. Grab a stress ball, rip up some paper or smack the hell out of your pillow. The best advice I heard was to have a hair bobble or elastic band around your wrist and flick it whenever you feel the need to self-harm. It’s not the same, but it’s a damn-sight better than hurting yourself. You may not care about your body but I do. Whoever you are reading this, I can’t bear to think of you being hurt.